Taking things slow in a relationship can be a good idea. This can help you avoid misunderstandings and protect your heart. It can also help you distinguish between chemistry and love.
One reason that people may want to take it slow is because they’ve been hurt in the past. This can make them wary of being intimate with someone right away.
1. It’s a response to junk food sex
In slow love, sex is a delicious experience that leaves you feeling satisfied before, during and after. In contrast to junk food, sex is a healthy, nutritional experience that supports long term satisfaction.
Slow love is a response to a high speed technological culture that erodes secure human attachments. It advocates a rejection of low-criteria relationships that offer sex without commitment and expressions of love, as well as a delay in sexual activity with a new partner until a healthy degree of emotional intimacy is established.
Like good food, physical gratification should be balanced by emotional intimacy and sensual connection. There are many ways to achieve this balance, from practicing deep breathing techniques during sex to using all-natural love oils on your lips during foreplay. Playing hard to get and letting your partner wait for their orgasm can also lengthen the sexy experience and help slow the burn. Slow love also respects gender biology, acknowledging that men and women have unique biological potentialities.
2. It’s a response to the sexualized media
It’s no secret that millennials are dating slower, having less sex, and marrying later than previous generations. And while some see this as a bad thing, biological anthropologist Helen Fisher says it’s actually a good thing. She argues that slow love is a response to the sexualized media that has us pursuing junk food relationships instead of building secure attachments. Physical gratification is temporary, but slow love will last a lifetime. (And it’s healthier for you).)
So what does it mean to love slow?
3. It’s a response to the millennial generation
The millennial generation has received backlash for marrying later in life, with men now getting married at 30 and women at 28. But this is not because they don’t want to get married, but because millennials are engaging in what biological anthropologist Helen Fisher calls “slow love.”
Instead of diving head-first into a relationship, millennials take their time to get to know each other. In the process, they form stronger neural connections in areas of the brain tied to feelings of attachment.
Moreover, millennials are also less willing to make major life decisions, including moving to a new city, getting a job, and starting a family, earlier in their lives than previous generations. This is because they’re accustomed to being self-sufficient, and they want to be sure they’re doing what’s right for them.
Baby boomers and Gen Xers may bag on the younger generation for its obsession with Tiktok, Hydro flasks and scrunchies, but slow love isn’t one of them. In fact, millennials are redefining love and marriage for the better.
4. It’s a response to the dating culture
It’s a response to the dating culture of hook-ups, quick relationships and obsessive swiping. It means getting to know someone for who they really are, their good bits and their unexpected bits. It also means delaying sexual activity until a healthy level of emotional intimacy has been established.
House says it’s possible for friendships to turn into slow-burn love, but she stresses that timing is key. Both partners must be on the same page about taking it slow to ensure a happy and healthy relationship.
For the millennial generation that’s already married later and having less sex than any previous generation, slow love is probably just what they need to get back into long-term commitments. And the rest of us can learn a lot from those who embrace this way of loving.